Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Damn Ninja... You Fast!

There are those characters that, as children, we think are the coolest thing. They just have the ability to make anyone under the age of 13 permanently have their jaw take up permanent residence on the ground. Nearly all of them tend to carry over into adulthood without losing that mystique except for one. It might just be me but there is one that just goes all to hell the moment you think as a grown-up. I am talking about the ninja.

One of the main problems with the whole ninja idea is that being one is a very prop heavy kind of act. You need to carry around all of these extremely sharp and deadly objects in an outfit that appears to have very little in the way of pockets. I have a hard enough time trying to tie an apron behind my back so I can't imagine what it would be like to have a sword back there. If you aren't careful, you could wind up taking out a shoulder blade just trying to put it away.

To go along with that is the worry that would come from trying to transport all of your ninja wear to wherever you need to go. The reports of airline baggage screeners missing some small weapons is one thing. I really don't see them not seeing those swords and katanas and shurikens and whatever else is in your carry-on. They could be a little more lenient when it comes to a checked bag but I still think you would be getting a red card for that flight no matter what.

Ninjas must have the most interesting bills too. Can you use the money paid to replace weapons not retrieved from your victims as a write-off on your taxes? Do you have to factor that in to the upfront money you get for your services? What kind of health insurance can a ninja get since they'd wind up being self employed? They must spend have of their days just trying to keep the paperwork in order.

It is kind of sad to see how impractical the life of a ninja would be. There is a whole lot of prep work for a job that might only take a quarter of the time. Maybe the ninjas find ways to make a little money on the side to balance out the rest of the cost. Since they are the fighting version of a prop comic, it would be good to have something to fall back on.


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