Tuesday, February 19, 2008

It's Oscar-Palooza 2008!

For those of you that have never seen one of these posts, this is where I go through all of the various Oscar nominees and make up my own silly awards for some of them.

The "Show Us Your Penis And You Get A Nomination" Award Goes To... Viggo Mortenson for having either the bravery or the just plain goofiness to have a fight scene where he is nude for it's entirety. Maybe he thought that they might give him a chance if he wore the same amount of clothes as the Oscar statue.

The "It Ain't THE CRYING GAME" Award Goes To... Cate Blanchette for her performance as one of the multiple versions of Bob Dylan in I'M NOT THERE. Unlike the whole "don't spoil the big plot twist" in THE CRYING GAME that was basically spoiled as soon as the Oscar nominations were announced that year, I think it was pretty obvious that this he might be more of a she.

The "We'll Show 'Em" Award Goes To... LARS AND THE REAL GIRL being nominated for Best Original Screenplay. This was a movie that people seemed to either totally love or totally hate and it seemed to me to be kind of a compliment given to the film from the fellow writers than anything else.

The "FOX News Will Never Mention Who Won This Category" Award Goes To... The Best Documentary Feature category has three films about the Iraq war and Michael Moore's SICKO. I would be really surprised to hear anything out of them when it comes to this one.

The "One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other" Award Goes To... The three nominees in the Best Makeup category are NORBIT, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: AT WORLDS END, and LA VIA EN ROSE. You've got a big action special effects epic, a movie obstensibly made to let Eddie Murphy dress up like a woman for most of it's run time, and a sensetive film about about quite possibly the best singer of the French language ever. I'll let you think about this combo for a moment...

The "Sure To Be The World's Bathroom Break" Award Goes To... This year, the Academy's Honorary Award is going to Robert F. Boyle who, from reading the bio attatched, appears to have been very big in the world of art direction. You have to love a man who has a "Ma & Pa Kettle" movie in his filmography...

The "Dame Judi Dench Screen Time" Award Goes To... Ruby Dee was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in AMERICAN GANGSTER but she had the least amount of screen time of any other acting nominee. Even Judi Dench had more actual screen time in SHAKESPERE IN LOVE than Dee had in her film.

The "Second Division One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other" Award Goes To... Your choices for Best Animated Film are one about a rat that wants to be a chef, one about penguins that surf, and one about growing up during the beginning of the revolution in Iran. They should have thrown in THE SIMPSONS' MOVIE just to really blow all of our minds.

The "Bad Guys Finish Wherever They Want To" Award Goes To... There is a very good chance that both of the male acting awards could go to people who played characters that are the bad guys of their respective films. I honestly can't remember the last time something like this might happen but it must make everybody want to be the bad guy if it means getting a nomination out of it.

The "They Picked That Category To Give This Film A Nomination" Goes To... ACROSS THE UNIVERSE is nominated for Best Costume Design. Out of all of the technical nominations I thought that this film could possibly get, Costume Design was not one of them.

The "Sympathy Date" Award Goes To... Both NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN and THERE WILL BE BLOOD go head to head in a lot of categories but it feels like NCFOM has it over TWBB except in the Best Actor category and the Best Adapted Screenplay category. Something tells me that Mr. Anderson will get his award for his writing but his film will miss out on nearly all of their major nominations.

The "Dark Horse That Could Actually Pull It Off" Award Goes To... No director has ever won the Best Director award if his or her film was not also nominated for Best Picture. That being said, I have an odd feeling there might be a surprise this year and the director of THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY, Julian Schnabel, might just wind up hearing his name called. The amount of buzz coming off of this film leaves me very inclined to think that he might just have the ability to sneak in under the wire and swipe the Best Director prize out from under everyone else in the category.